2012 and a new direction!

Originally I planned on starting a blog that involved ART and being creative and throwing in some political and health/parenting conversation as well. The internet is crowded with plenty of creative bloggers. A fact which saddens me - I USED to be creative. I used to be "thee" creative one people knew and now, I am lucky if I can think my way through a cardboard box. What happened? Life. Too much to do and not enough time. I am sure that statement is not unfamiliar to anyone. So how do I fix that? Making time for it again. It is important for me personally to keep that. Although I lead a fairly charmed and blessed life it doesn't mean that it is OK for me give up all I am. 


Who am I at the heart of it? A marine biologist who never realized a dream because of illness. A person who hates Michigan and anywhere that drops below 40 degrees. I love palm trees, sand, water, blue sky, hard rain, spanish moss and warmth! I love animals and rainforests and travel.  I love being on the water and the vastness of it - and being IN the water and the vastness of that. Staring down into the depths and thinking what is below me - waiting to see that creature rise up fairly oblivious to my existence. I love mermaids and seashells, the sound of seagulls, the crash of waves. Pine trees on a shoreline (like in South Carolina!) Houses that are more screendoors than walls. I hate my life in a lot of respects because all those things I love, I gave up for the PEOPLE I love. But honestly I don't love many people in general. Most of them piss me off LOL. So did I make the right decision? Likely no but I wouldn't give up the ones I love for the world. It is a conflict. A daily one. Every day I spend in the frozen gray hell I feel is one day of my precious life wasted. Completely. I wish I could fix that and I only live in hope that I will. Actually, I know I will and one day and the cost won't matter anymore. But for now I am trying to find my creativity again and spark that life in me I used to have when dreams were still in the future instead of the past.


I know this sounds depressing and maybe ungrateful and if that is what you want to think of me, so be it. But I can't deny that this is my life, not how I planned and I am SURE that there are a lot of us out there who maybe just aren't brave enough to say that they didn't get "it all" and maybe let go of who we were to reach for part of goal and then fell down the rabbit hole, stumbling through an interesting and unexpected version of life that we love but ultimately, would go back home if we ever found the way.


So a new year, new blog direction and the thought that creativity will be my therapy. Scrapbooking to keep the focus of my life clear - my family. Finding the future by living in the past I suppose. So let's see that this brings. I will still share my views along the way but I am going to try to inspire myself, and any scant readers I have, along the way.